Goys and Birls
At what point in our society did it no longer matter that boys and girls are different? There used to be a large distinction between what was "masculine" and what was "feminine". Now, it seems there is little or no difference at all. The phrase, "Girls can do anything boys can do" has taken a firm hold on our society, and it is pretty sad. When I read books about a time long ago, I see little boys playing cowboys and Indians(now we're not even allowed to say Indian), and girls playing with baby dolls, and having tea parties. But now, boys have dolls, and girls have football. We have played a perverted game of role reversal with our children, and traditional values are being trampled on in the process. Boys are taught emotion, compassion, and feelings, while girls are taught to be tough and to show the boys that she can keep up or beat them. Whatever happened to females being the "weaker vessel"(1Pe 3:7 You husbands, in like manner, live with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor to the woman, as to the weaker vessel, as being also joint heirs of the grace of life; that your prayers may not be hindered. ) It does not stop at childhood though, this attitude now is brought to the workplace and into the marriage. It was an honor to a man to be able to defend a woman, now we hear about women defending men. It was an honor for a man to provide for his family, now we see stay at home dads being provided for by their wives. There is no place for a man to be a man. A man no longer has the pride of knowing that he has provided for his family and without him, they wouldn't make it, nor does he have the pride of knowing that his protection is needed . She can do it just as good as him. And whats worse than that, is now Dads send their little girls to fight in wars for us. And it must be OK, because Disney made a movie about just that, "Mulan". Dad was to old and sick, and it was up to his daughter to save the day, they couldn't have done it without her, right. Wrong. I don't care how old or sick I am, the burden of battle will not be one any of my little girls will ever have to carry, and I don't see how any man with an ounce of dignity could see it any other way.
Now I'm sure most people reading this have already dismissed me as a chauvinistic, sexist pig. But this has nothing to do with male supremacy, or superiority, it has to do with cherishing, and honoring the women that God has blessed us with. My wife gets coddled, and doted on daily, I want her to feel she is the queen of my life, living in the castle I have provided for her(1,400 sq. ft ain't quite Camelot, but we manage). She relies on my support and income so she can raise our children at home. She depends on my strength to protect her from all kinds of evil. A knight in shining armor used to be every girls fantasy, but the modern woman doesn't need one anymore. A man relies on the emotion, compassion, and comfort that a woman provides, but now that women do it all, what does a man have to offer a woman. Nothing, and we wonder why marriages fall apart by the thousands. I'm not resting total blame of divorce on women, I'm just making the point that if both parties involved in a marriage do not have something to offer each other, then the relationship is destined to fail.
But as for me, I have one wild Indian, or Knight, or cowboy, or whatever wild thing he decides he is at the moment, and three princesses, or little mommies, or ballerinas, or whatever precious thing they are imitating. You see, my girls know that their big brother will protect them, because we haven't ingrained in their heads that they need to be stronger than him. And my boy will protect them from that terrible dragon and monster problem we have in our backyard. And what they see between me and my wife is not a competition, but a fully functional unit that has strengths and weaknesses that complement each other. Where I lack in emotion, or compassion, and tenderness my wife can even the balance. And where she lacks in logic, and physical strength. I fill in the gap. We are able to complete one another, not compete with one another. We each have a role, and we're proud to do it.
So, for the sake of the next generation, treat your girls like the princesses they are, and keep the pink shirts away from your boys, their marriage could depend on it.(And you just might get rid of that pesky dragon in your backyard)
10 comments:
100% there with you on the "pink shirts"...but the "logic"? you make up for it?...hmmm i can understand strength, protection, providing for, but the "logic" part threw me for a whirl. The weaker vessel, I should have seen that one coming a mile away! and the football, eh...i guess there's a line w/ everything. OR is that my view that has been guided by society norms? i dont want to be a sissy girly girl, but i dont want to feel like i have to be the macho tough girl either (ha! can you see me macho?). though id like to know i can do things on my own and don't need a man, theres always those times where I'd rather say "daddy" or "grandpa, I need help!" and w/ the whole goin off to war thing, I definitely want to leave that to the men. So, mostly all in all, though it's hard to admit, I agree
People are entitled to opinions I guess...
I don't agree at all with what you're saying, but maybe because I'm one of those birls you hate so much...
I like being able to open a jar of pickles with having a "real man" do it, I like being able to play sports (and not just ballet or cheerleading), I like the idea that we're able to defend our country. Why can't a girl go off to battle? Sure, she shouldn't be forced into it, but if she wanted to protect her country, what's wrong witht hat? Or maybe you don't want a Japanese-American person defending your country because I'm not a "real American", even though I spent my whole life here.
I also don't understand what pink shirts have to do with anything...if Derek Jeter were wearing a pink Lacoste polo shirt, would that make him less of a man? That's like saying Martha Stewart is not a woman because she wears pants!
I just feel your comment is kind of outdated...there used to be a time when black people weren't allowed to own property, a time when women were not allowed to vote...but times are different. Things have changed, I think, for the better. If the person who finds the cure for cancer is a woman, I have absolutely no problem with that.
Thank you for hearing me out, just because I don't agree with you doesn't mean I think you're a bad person...just saying how I feel, that's all.
So you would like to see this country go back to a time when women could aspire to be nothing more than a mother? You would like us to go back to a time when a woman found it impossible to survive without a man?
What if you died tomorrow? It would be up to your wife to not only continue to raise your children, but to work to support them as well. It takes a strong and capable woman to step up like that, but seeing as how you are the kind of man who is afraid of a strong and fully capable woman, I am going to assume your wife is none of those things. I wish her luck.
What is so scary about a woman having the opportunity to do things and be things her grandmother could only ever dream about? What is so scary about a man staying at home with his children? Men created gender roles. Who says women need to toe the line? Men. What about what women want?
Human males are one of the few species that stick around once he has impregnated a female. After that, it is up to the female to rear her young. Men created gender roles. Not out of necessity, but out of convenience.
I feel sorry for your daughters and your son. I feel sorry they aren't growing up with the knowledge that they can do anything they set their minds to, regardless if, traditionally, its "men's" work or "women's" work. Its sad to know you would scoff if your daughter decided she wanted to be a fire fighter or police officer, or your son decided he wanted to be a nurse or a teacher.
Anonymous,
I appreciate your input, and I know that judging by the way our society is these days, a good few people share your point of view. See, the world has come around to your way of thinking, women work outside the home, they are police officers, firefighters, soldiers, business... uh, people, lawyers, judges, CEO's of large corporations, etc...
Women have all the power and respect they want and deserve. Women make vastly larger amounts of money than even 15-20 years ago. So we in fact live in a Utopia of women's rights and privileges. Sounds like no matter what kind of chauvinistic neanderthal view of the world I have, women have everything they want already. So, I am sorry for being such a pig. But let me ask you this, if we live in such a female paradise, why are so many women unhappy, divorced, beaten, abused, and discontent with life? Why are so many women on Prozac, or some other reality-numbing drug?
I watch people suffer in their lives of plenty, I watch them try to escape to something other than the painful, miserable "paradise" they have created for themselves, and I have much sorrow for them. I feel pain when women who are "living their dream" can hardly find the strength to get out of bed in the morning. I shake my head wishing I could help when I see "liberated" women in D.C. walking down the street to their jobs looking like they could imagine being anywhere else.
My friend, I am old fashioned, Some would say very old fashioned, But my house is full of joy and happiness. We smile all day, I love my wife, she loves me, and the joy our children bring us is immeasurable.
So I do believe that we are different, I believe God made us different, and our difference was meant to be a blessing, not a binding. I in no way think men are better, we just have different roles, and when those roles are taken up with pride, wonderful things come of it. We probably won't agree, but that's not my job, I'm just sharing a little bit of me.
(P.S. My "incapable" wife has a bachelors degree in early childhood development and a teaching degree from the university of Maryland, I think she will be just fine, but as long as I'm around, I'll continue to take honor in my job as Her supporter, protector, and best friend.)
Wow, it's good to see ignorance is alive and well in the world. Just because some men can't handle the fact that yes, there are strong women out there, and there are sensitive men out there... doesn't mean it's wrong. The perfect human isn't either a strong, working, jackass of a man, or a simpering, sweet, domestic woman... The perfect human embodies strength and sensitivity and all the best qualities found in the binary genders. What's wrong with being both?
God, you must really flip your wig when it comes to transgenderism and genderqueers.
I think it's wonderful that you have the ability to care for your family, and that you think highly of your wife. I'm glad to see people caring about family. As an fellow education major, do give your wife my regards. I would, however, like to raise a few points and pose a few questions to you:
"if both parties involved in a marriage do not have something to offer each other, then the relationship is destined to fail" Oh how true that is! Must the man always offer stereotypically "masculine" attributes to the marriage? I don't really understand why the aspects of a relationship must be defined by gender norms, if both partners are contributing.
And no, America is not a "female paradise"; hence the continuation of the feminist movement. There is still inequality.
Also, I have difficulty understanding how men can remain in fixed gender roles if they are in a relationship together. How can my children be cared for if both myself and my husband are at work? A serious flaw in your logic, sir!
It's easy for you -- a man, living in a world unfortunately still ruled by men -- to misunderstand the oppression perpetuated by people such as yourself. However, I believe in building solidarity, and hope that you can find it in yourself to accept differences in others, and perhaps grow to love some of the men who wear pink and women who follow their dreams.
A final question -- how does difference in others affect your well-being? How does a happy, nontraditional couple affect your marriage? If you truly feel uncomfortable with difference in others, I suggest a visit to your local psychologist. It could be a superficial manifestation of deep-seated insecurities.
I wish your family the best, especially your children. May they one day discover their true selves, beyond the confines of societally-imposed gender roles. And if you do seek professional mental help, I'm sure that you are surrounded by people that love you, and will support you, no matter how derranged you may turn out to be.
o u silly man
god isn't real!
While I've happened to stumble upon this blog page a long long time after it was written, I do feel I must point out that I don't like the implication that women are incapable of logic. I'm a woman, and I'm also a computer programmer. Computers are very very dumb machines, when writing a program you must tell a computer exactly what to do, with no ambiguity, in logical terms, as logical terms are all a computer can understand. In fact, a computer processor is largely composed of something called "logic gates". Therefore, to program a computer, you must be able to "think" like a computer, in terms of pure numbers and logic. And I may have boobs, but I'm fully capable of that, and in fact some of the most innovative programmers and computer designers and general engineers have been women.
As for the rest of your post, most of what I want to say has been covered by others, but I'll just briefly say... While protectiveness and strength in a partner can be a nice thing, it's not the only thing that can be offered in a relationship. It's certainly true that a successful relationship needs both people to be contributing various factors, but those factors cannot always be determined by traditional gender roles. I don't want to date someone who thinks I should be the housewife just because I'm a girl, or even because I'm a feminine girl, though I'd be happy to be the housewife if that was what made sense between me and whoever I was with - a relationship needs to adjust to the individual needs of both people, which may not match gender norms, hence attempting to conform to those traditions could leave people's needs unfulfilled and again cause the collapse of a relationship.
As for women being beaten and getting divorces, maybe it only seems like it's happening more often in modern times because it wasn't all that long ago that divorce was illegal, and that wife-beating was often kept very hushed up, in a day before women's shelters became common. In fact, it was only in 1991 that the law in Britain was finally changed to acknowledge that a wife could be raped by her husband - previous to that 1991 case, it was thought that a woman gave up consent to sex, permanently, upon marriage, therefore it was thought impossible for a husband to rape his wife. In fact, it's still legal to rape your spouse in many countries, unfortunately. My point to all this is that I'm pretty sure that women being beaten or raped or at least *wishing* for a divorce probably hasn't increased much, or at all, over the last 50, or 100, or even 200 years.
It seems that what you and your wife is beautiful and that's a blessing. However, everyone is different and you have to learn to respect that. I'm a Christian and I love my husband and respect him fully. However,I don't agree with everything you said. You have to learn to be more open minded. Pray and ask God to help you with that, because God has a very a special purposed and way of life through Him for all of us.
Stay Blessed,
Cottony :)
I have no idea how I even got to this page, but I stopped and read your entire rant. I agree with you on a lot of different levels but you really need to wake up on the reason things are the way they are. Women were forced into taking on a more masculine role. Do you have any idea how many men have childen with wives/girlfriends and leave them? Woman have had to learn to take care of themselves and their children. That's just one of the many reasons women have had to become more independant. Men these days are not the same men of my father's time. They are lazy, uneducated, and use women for a free ride all the time. They can't fix cars, they can't clean up after themselves, they drink too much, women have to make up for these things. Many men can be abusive, what then? The wife depends on him 100% and he knows it. So a back hand every night isn't ever going to end for her UNLESS she can take care of herself and her children. Defining your masculinity through looking at your spouse as the weaker person in your relationship is simply ignorant. I am referring to what your wife lacks, logic. Really logic? So you think your wife has a weak mind then? I suppose you do not discuss any important matters with her since she lacks LOGIC! Now thats just either the wrong word or it's a pretty mean to say about your partner, your equal. You both bring different things to the table equally, I can understand that. My husband takes care of me and our two children, but I worked for years because living in a 1400 sq ft. home wasn't ok for either of us. The economy these days are actually based on two incomes. Men have always been able to decide not to marry and support a family now women don't have to desperately hope someone will take care of them. They can actually live, own a home, take care of themselves, and not go straight from their dad's house to their husband's house without ever getting to have time to grow as a person. I know taking care of a family as a man is important to a lot of actual men, but that's not the majority. A ton of men are still living with their parents, I know quite a few men who are 50+ years old never been married,a ton of gay guys, uneducated (just because you're a man doesn't make you smarter or intelligent at all) here's a link that explains what I'm talking about http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/09/education/09college.html
basicall unavailable guys and then u weed through whats left if the good ones are'nt all taken!I have lost a lot of respect for men, they have created this problem you are unhappy with. Men need to get back to being men then maybe women wouldn't have to men as well as women. Oh and take care of their children for god's sake!!If more men took care of their wives and their kids and a man appreciated a woman to just be a good wife and mother like my husband does and it seems you do that would be perfect. I totally agree there. People need to raise their boys to be men. They just don't so I will have to raise my girls to be self-sufficient. My daughters will go to college. Just to send them off into the world without these tools would be a disservice to them. I didn't meet my prince charming until 6 years after High school. Six years of being independent. Six years of meeting total losers btw. It's not easy to find a good man!
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